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Writer's pictureStuart Grant

iPads and Gin Bags

We went out for breakfast yesterday morning. I had a full English and haggis. I was just a bit culturally confused. Later on, Mr V tried to make me feel better by pointing out tartan things in shops. He has been married to a Scottish person for almost 25 years and thinks that tartan makes Scottish people happy. I don’t know how he came to this conclusion. After all, another stereotype about Scottish people is that we are mean with money yet I don’t mind spending money at all. Mr V knows this because he is always telling me to stop and I’m forced to sneak things home and pretend we’ve always had them.

Another thing I like is eating tablet. Right now all the Scottish people are nodding sagely, all the dentists are sobbing quietly in corners and everyone else just assumes I dine on iPads. Tablet is like a very very very sweet, crumbly fudge. So sweet your teeth rot if you even think about it. I’ve lost two molars just writing this paragraph! Diabetes runs in my family and I sometimes imagine that when it’s my turn the doctors will say “ah, Mrs V, your pancreas appears to be made of pure tablet.” That’s if the gin doesn’t kill me first. Someone was talking about their gym bag leaking the other day and I misheard it as gin bag. I thought they’d invented a brilliant new word for their bladder so I joined in the conversation and said “oh me too but I’ve heard that regular sex helps.”

Anyway, when we got home from the shops I reclaimed my heritage and made tattie (potato) soup. Recently I’ve been cooking some of the traditional food my mum and granny made. Sadly I didn’t have a recipe for tattie soup but a friend of a friend helped me out and I made Gail’s Mum’s Tattie Soup, which was just as good as my mum’s.

I’ve added the recipes for Gail’s Mum’s Tattie Soup and tablet to Fun Stuff so you can have a go too if you’re interested. Photos courtesy of Mr V and the big camera.

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